Needing Prayer

My friend Matthew woke up in the middle of the night once and could not get back to sleep for anything: He was definitely tired, but his mind was restless and he could find no comfort in closing his eyes. After a significant amount of time, and building frustration, Matthew noticed that a glass of water sounded particularly good - so he walked down stairs and got one. As soon as he finished the glass of water, he felt peace come over his mind, he felt the relief of returning sleepiness, and was out like a baby almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. When he woke up in the morning, he was intrigued enough by the incident to tell me the story.

Here's what I find interesting: Matthew's mind was restless simply because he was thirsty. The problem is that he did not know that he was thirsty - he tried other things instead. I also find it interesting that his symptom was restlessness - that his body was in a state bad enough that it was no longer appropriate to sleep. Everything about rest had to stop, he had to be woken up, and the problem had to be addressed. His mind would take no comfort until some water had reached his belly.

I am thinking about this story tonight because I have had a recurring incident that is similar in some regards:

I sometimes find myself in a state of mind that I would describe as both restless and exhausted - I am burned out, I have "had enough," and I need some restful, refreshing time alone with God. If you would ask me, I would say "Yes, I need time alone with God!" but I do not know that I need it. I rather wander around aimlessly complaining about how I feel, and telling others that I have "had enough!" and that I am burned out.

What I have found is that I will usually be in this state for quite awhile - days, sometimes weeks, before I give any serious thought as to why I am so miserable. Much like my friend Matthew that night, I am tired, and I want to just roll over and find comfort - I don't want to be bothered about solving the problem of my problems. So being past having any emotional reserve, I do not think it reasonable that I should have to go offer up prayers, and the very thing that I need is what I find myself resisting.

Of course though, once I eventually get alone with God for a good span of time - thirty minutes or so, I find that peace returns to me in full, I find rest, and I am able to get back to being a generally happy and productive person.

I also usually think to myself "That was a lot easier and more enjoyable than I thought..." and I inwardly vow to myself that next time, I will just go pray at the onset of despair rather than at my last tolerance of it.

This is easier said than done though.